Dearest Readers of Lord, Beer Me Strength,
As a child, I spent many nights listening to my dad’s band practice in the basement. No, my dad is not quite as cool as Eddie Van Halen or even Eminem, but he does have a really good voice. He can also play the keyboard, guitar and accordion very well, despite not being able to read sheet music and sometimes making up lyrics as he goes along. I’m sure he would have loved if one of his kids had half the musical talent he has.
I have never been coordinated enough to play an instrument, so I thought I could be a good singer. I was in the church choir. An older girl once told me I was flat, and I thought, “I thought I had decent boobs for a twelve year old.” I graduated to high school choir. Picture, if you will, a bunch of white suburban kids in hideous green robes singing spirituals. It wasn’t a pretty sound. I was always a terrible singer, not that I ever sang loud enough for anyone to actually hear me after that flat comment.
Now, though, I have a chance to make my father proud. The good people at some game company have answered my prayers: Guitar Hero.
All you need to do to “learn” how to play the guitar is press some color coded buttons and strum a bar. Its a child’s game, really. But its hard. Not quite as hard as Dance, Dance Revolution, which involved moments of my life I’d rather not relieve.
I’ve only played twice. I need more practice. But that means I need an XBox 360 and the game. Oh, and the guitar. That’s like $500 worth of toys for an adult trying to buy a house.
This is where you all come in. I’ll set up a PayPal account, and you can all donate whatever disposable income you have just hanging around, I can get Guitar Hero, get good and rock out with my dad’s band at the restaurant/God’s waiting room he plays at, and we’ll all be happy. Sound good?