I Want to Quit the Gym!

23 Jan

I’ve been a member of my current gym for a few years.  It really can’t be any more convenient, as its in the same building as my office.  I can park my car in front of the gym, and if I don’t go, I get crap from the owner the next day.  Nothing like guilting me onto the treadmill!  I used to love my gym — lots of machines, free personal training, and great classes.  Lately, not so much.

It started with the trainers.  I could never get the same trainer twice, and when I found one I really liked, they’d quit.  My favorite trainer, who gave me tons of pointers on the marathon, quit/got fired the day of the marathon, so I never got to tell her how I did.  Now, there’s only one trainer at night, so its nearly impossible to get an appointment, especially with the influx of January newbies.   Since I clearly have a motivation problem, having a trainer appointment is critical to my gym experience.

Speaking of newbies, here’s a PSA:  The gym is not that complicated.  Pick a machine, hit start, and go.  There’s no need to wander aimlessly among the treadmills, picking just the right TV and cardio machine, before getting on for 3 minutes and leaving to talk to your buddy.  You don’t need a matching outfit, you do need an elastic for your hair.  And wipe off your sweat when you get off!

Anyways, the clincher came when my kickboxing class got cancelled.  My teacher, a huge dude named Scott that was an awesome teacher, but not someone I’d like to meet in a back alley, left to go to his own gym on the Cape.  Plus, he didn’t often get paid on time, and threatened to steal the cash register if he didn’t get his check, but I’m sure that was no biggie, right?  Its been a month, and no new kickboxing classes have been scheduled.  Punching and kicking just isn’t the same without a big sweaty dude who smells like cigarettes yelling at you to breathe.

The owner, however, has been bugging me to take his stupid Cardio Sport class.  The owner is also a trainer who made me cry, but that’s a whole other story.  Cardio Sport is like gym class.  I’m not old enough to forget the trauma of gym class, so this is not a big selling point for me.  The class involves a lot of running around the gym, so getting to the locker room is like crossing a busy highway.  There are also obstacle courses and soccer games, including lots of yelling and some pushing.  Plus lots of opportunity to have people point and laugh at you, and homey don’t play that. 

I think I’ve just outgrown this gym.  Its time to move on, even though it will be hard.  We’ve had some good times together.  I’ve been mentally prepping myself for the inevitable, “Hey, don’t you want a washboard stomach and rock hard pecs?”  And my response, “No! I want a flabby gut and saggy man breasts!”**

 **From Friends, but some of you already knew that!


2 Responses to “I Want to Quit the Gym!”

  1. Mare January 24, 2008 at 7:57 am #

    You should buy this book that was in Health something like how to work out like a man and look like a goddess.

    No one should ever make you cry. I shake my fist at that man.

  2. Jane January 24, 2008 at 1:35 pm #

    Your title made me laugh out loud, before I even read anything.

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