wikiHow of the Week: You can thank me in rolls of hundreds

28 Feb

How to Convince Yourself You Will Receive Money from God

One person claims to know the techniques used to work with God in attracting money. If you want to convince yourself that this money is coming, keep reading.

Steps

  1. How much do you want?  (Uh, a billion trillion dollars?)
  2. Your job is to STAY POSITIVE and believe that you will receive what you’ve asked for. If this means forgetting about the request, then do that. If you need to continually remind yourself of what you’ve asked for, make sure to also remember that you aren’t in charge of making it happen. Feel good, and remember that God answers. Your job is to ask and to accept.   (Are you there God?  Its me, Julie.  Please see above.  I feel good.  Please answer).
  3. Listen for instructions! Let’s say you’ve asked for a certain amount of money, say $500. You may have no idea how this money will come to you. But you asked- so God will answer. So listen for the answer. You may hear a song on the radio, or a friend may call with an idea, or an email may come with an instruction… Anything that happens around you may clue you in on an action for you to take.   (Praise Jimmy!  I just got an e-mail from a Nigerian man claiming that he’ll send me a million dollars if I give him my bank account #.  I’ll just sit back and wait to collect).
  4. You might not have to do anything but remain positive.  (Does being positive that this will not work count?)

 Tips

  • Write yourself notes to remember who is the Boss.  (Note to self:  God is the Boss.  Note to J: Julie is the Boss)
  • Do whatever you need to so you don’t worry.  (Maybe the rubber band trick will work here)
  • Be clear on what you want.  (Money money money money — Money!)
  • Make a list of what type of money you are looking to get (new money, money owed to you by another, or even a solution to money you borrowed — your debt)  (I’m not picky.  Any kind of money will do).

 Warnings

  • First, try and get the money within your own means.  (Like, say, working?  I think not).
  • Don’t put your blind faith in information you get from the Internet.   (Uh, like this?)
  • God provides for those who ask, but only if the need is genuine and the asking is sincere. Seek out advice from God to make sure the money you requested is part of His plan as well as yours — to do good, not evil.   (I’ll do good with the money.  Not necessarily good for others, but for myself).
  • If you catch yourself being negative (oh, that’s not enough!) fix your head. What you think and feel are vitally important in working with God on getting money.  (Check yo-self!  I guess I don’t need a billion trillion dollars.  I’ll settle for a billion).
  • Money can come from anywhere, at anytime. You don’t have to “deserve” it or “earn” it in ways you may already think. Don’t limit God!  (I like the kind that grows on trees the best!)
  • Bouncing checks is illegal in some places, bouncing checks knowing that you do not have the money in your account is a crime is most places and “Gee, I thought God was going to come across with the dough!” is not a defense. In any event bouncing checks is certainly bad for your credit rating. While faith is a good thing, wait until you get the money before you write the checks.  (AKA: Don’t write checks your body can’t cash!)
  • If you actually want to pay your bills on time, sending a check in the mail for money you don’t have in your account is a very poor idea and most likely illegal. Don’t spend above your means.  (See above.  Apparently this “no bouncing checks” thing is very important)
  • I Sam 3:10 reads, “Speak Lord, for thy servant heareth.” It does not read, “Speak servant, for thy Lord heareth” (KJV).   (Amen!)
  • God can say no to requests too.  (Boo!)
  • It is okay to have doubts. After walking on water, Peter had doubts. After Jesus had risen, the apostles still had doubts. You can learn to trust more, but it will be a rough process.   (True dat)
  • By convincing yourself of something that may happen, you could just be deceiving yourself.  (This does not sound promising)
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4 Responses to “wikiHow of the Week: You can thank me in rolls of hundreds”

  1. Mare February 28, 2008 at 1:14 pm #

    This is my favorite yet. Thanks!

  2. fabat40 February 28, 2008 at 6:03 pm #

    Oh my god! It’s amazing what you’ll find out there.

    So while I’m not TOTAlLY daft — I DO get the irony here — at the same time I must say the following:

    As someone who is a huge worry wort and always frets about $$, I have learned that as long as I have a plan and a budget and roughly stick to it, that $ do flow when I need them. Maybe its just a perception. When I worry less about $ I SEEM to have more. When I skip on buying a $3 latte and buy the icky orange cheese instead of the good cheese at the market I not only feel poorer, but I actually seem to have less $. Does this make sense to anybody?

  3. jessica February 28, 2008 at 10:11 pm #

    i love this!

  4. Julie March 2, 2008 at 10:15 pm #

    I like the orange cheese. That’s all that made sense to me 🙂

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