wikiHow of the Week: How to Get out of Work

27 Apr

How to Get out of Work (when You’re Already There)

Do not attempt this, unless you are willing to risk the consequences. Otherwise, enjoy your day off.

Steps

  1. The best, and most believable way to get off work early is this:
  2. Using your cell phone, call your work phone, and pick up.   (Oooh, tricky)
  3. Turn your cell phone off as soon as you answer your work phone, otherwise you’ll just waste your minutes.  (Yes, because if you’re going to be lazy, you might as well be cheap too)
  4. Answer the phone as you normally would, but say “O.K.” a lot, and sound really concerned, end the conversation (which should be around 2 minutes long) by saying “I’ll be right over/there” or something along those lines.  (This probably only works in cubeville)
  5. Walk pretty quickly to your boss, and tell him/her that your mom/dad/kid/wife/husband needs you.   (It might seem fishy if you say it like that: “Boss, my mom/dad/kid/wife/husband needs me.”  I suggest just using on.  You can thank me later for that tip).
  6. If they ask why, say desperately that you don’t know, but you’re really worried. start to leave, and say that you’re not sure when you’ll be back, but will call him/her with more details.   (Crying might help here as well).

 

Tips

  • Act really worried
  • Run out
  • Don’t get detailed
  • Tell them that you’ll probably not pick up your home or cell phone, but to call if they need serious help.

 

 Warnings

  • Do not attempt more than once a year at the most.   (And do not come back the next day with a tan)
  • If anybody finds out, you will be in huge trouble, and may even be fired.  (Especially if your boss sees you on tv catching a fly ball at the Cubbies game)
  • Do NOT say that somebody died!   (This causes wicked bad karma)

 

Things You’ll Need

  • 2 phones
  • a sensitive boss
  • acting skills
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One Response to “wikiHow of the Week: How to Get out of Work”

  1. Mare April 28, 2008 at 6:32 am #

    Wow, how sinister.

    My students now use the family emergency line constantly. It’s the new grandma died I think.

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