Green Thumb?

25 Oct

Among the many areas I lack in talent, gardening has now reared it ugly head as one of them.  When I was a kid, my grandfather had a big garden in the back, and one day, we taped my version of Victory Garden, that old PBS show (see, TAC, I did watch PBS more than once!)  Basically, I walked around the garden saying such fascinating things as “Look at this cucumber” and “what we have here is a red tomato!”  It was an Emmy award winning performance, I tell you.

Of course, I’ve never actually had a garden of my own, nor have I ever taken any interest in helping my mom in hers.  Really, I don’t even like vegetables that much.  I eat them because I have to, but don’t really enjoy them unless covered in cheese or oil (avocados excluded.  They have enough fat in them to keep me happy).  At the apartment, I tried to have a plant or two, but they all mysteriously died.  Probably because I put them on the balcony and J would water them with soda and coffee. 

Now that we have a house, in keeping with the Martha Stewart that lives inside me, I envision a yard full of flowers, herbs and veggies.  Unfortunately, I’m the wrong person for that job.

The day we moved in, my BFF showed up with two giant hanging plants, and I vowed to keep them alive, despite her warnings that they needed a lot of water.  They’re dying now, but it is freezing outside, so I’d say that was a success.  I managed to keep an aloe plant alive for a month, until it because infested with fruit flies and I tossed it.  And Fern (my $10 Home Depot palm tree) has seemed to thrive well.  Brown spots add character!  I spent a small fortune on Mums, most of which have died by now, but not for lack of trying!  I even bought them plant food.  I do have some scary looking dead chives in my kitchen, and a cool mini pepper plant from my mom that I’m determined to save. 

Now, as a general rule, I don’t know anything about flowers.  I carried roses in my wedding bouquet for the simple fact that I knew what they were.  But, I know Tulips!  I love tulips, and when someone told me you could plant them in the fall, I looked at my too green yard with the dead mums, and bought some bulbs!  Okay, some bulbs = 60.  And I got daffodils and hyacinths too, because the picture on the package showed you a little map of how to plant all three and when they bloom, and a vision of beautiful colors danced in my head.

So, one Saturday, amidst the cooking and cleaning a good Martha Stewart wannabe does on her days off, I planted bulbs.  I put on my gardening gloves to protect myself from J’s cactus (aka Cactus Jack), only to find the gloves had cactus pricklies inside of them.  I spent the next two days picking pieces of Jack out of my hands.  I put bulbs everywhere I could find dirt.  I dug the holes 6″ down like you’re supposed to.  I even sprinkled them with some organic bone mix and watered them thoroughly.  I was so proud of myself, and so looking forward to my beautiful tulips in the spring.

I think I planted my bulbs upside down.  I’m pretty sure I stuck the pointy end of the bulb down, even though the directions said not to.  I’m too lazy to dig one up to check.  Because, really, if they are upside down, am I really going to dig them all back up to flip them over?  Doubtful.  I think I’ll just wait and see if I get tulips in the spring, and, if I don’t, I’ll blame it on this bugger here:





One Response to “Green Thumb?”

  1. Mare October 27, 2008 at 8:22 am #

    It’s good to have a scapegoat.

    And it’s good for you to be blogging again.

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