When I was a kid, we had a fake tree. I hated it, and never understood why we couldn’t have a real tree. Despite my hatred, I still helped decorate it every year. At one point, my dad videotaped the whole tree trimming experience. It was pretty boring until my brother found himself stuck on the step-stool and started crying until someone took him down, and I laughed at him. As we got older, my parents moved from the gaudy tree with loads of garland, colored lights and ornaments made from shellacked cookies to white lights, clear ornaments, and angel thingies. I always stuck my macaroni tree ornament on there thought. It was my proudest accomplishment as a first grader.
When J & I moved into the apartment, we went out and got a real tree, and were surprised by the cost. Maybe that’s why my parents had a fake tree. We had no problems the first year, the tree was beautiful, decked out in red & silver, and lasted through Christmas. After that, J happily tossed it off the balcony of the apartment as we were told to do.
The next year, however, we got Terrance the Terrible Tree. He was way too big for the apartment ceilings, and J had to hack off the top with a steak knife. His trunk was too big for the tree stand, so we had to get another one. Terrence fell numerous times, and was petty much dead from the day we got him. I was still finding tree needles when we moved 2-1/2 years after that Christmas. Terrence’s terrible life caused J to toss his sneakers into the bedroom, misjudge the closet, and have one fly out the (closed) window. Good times.
The last two years at the apartment, we put up the fake tree I got at Target for $5 after Christmas, as we were away for the first week of December both years. This year, being our first year in the house, we got a lovely tree (Bruce the Spruce). He’s just the right size, still alive (knock on wood), and didn’t cost a fortune. I wish he smelled a little more tree like, but I have Bath & Body works to help me with that! We did have some trouble finding Bruce, as we schlepped to a farm, where we were overwhelmed with the thought of tying the tree to the car ourselves, so we went to a parking lot and had Bruce tied up tight to the Civic. Hopefully, Bruce is a good sign of things to come, and we won’t have any more National Lampoons-Esq tree experiences in the future!