Change Will Do You Good

6 Nov

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Well, this is a leap from “what is your favorite writing space.”

I’m going to pretend this question doesn’t allow for physical changes.  That’s a whole post in itself.  And I’m not going to answer it like I’m on an interview – “my biggest flaw?  Oh, I’m such a perfectionist!  I drive myself crazy making sure everything is just right!  Hire me!”  I’m going to be honest.

I wish I could get out of my own head.  I think too much.  This can be good and bad.  I’m constantly planning.  Today I looked up restaurants to go to for lunch in two weeks.  In my defense, while I am a planner, I’m also flexible.  Before we went to San Diego, I found all the best restaurants right near our condo, the closest In and out burger, and the best Mexican in the city.  We went to none of them.  And I was okay with that.  I like to know my options, but I don’t need to plan every meal.

While the excessive thinking leads to really well planned parties, it also leads to excessive worry.  And that turns into a barrage of questions that makes J’s head almost explode.  A simple after hours phone call about something routine from work leads to – “did you lock your truck?  Are you sure you filled out your paperwork correctly?  What about the milk, did you get milk for the baby?  The organic kind?” (the answer to all of the above is yes, btw).  My brain just goes and goes, and, unfortunately, J ends up being the unwelcoming recipient of the blommitty blather that comes out of my mouth.  When he complains, I try explaining that I’m only bugging him with about 50% of whats actually going on in my head.  That doesn’t usually help at all.

Sometimes I wish I could just zone out – watch tv without worrying about cleaning, read a book without thinking of other things I should be doing, eat something unhealthy without feeling guilty.  I’m just always thinking, but not actually doing enough.  I’d like to even that out more.

(also, I’d like to learn why I can’t figure out how to spell restaurant correctly the first time)

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