wikiHow of the Week: For my Teenaged Boy Readers

How to Be a Great Teenage Boyfriend

A guide to be a great teenage boy friend.

Steps

1. Always be polite, never be a jerk.  (These are generally good words to live by)
2. Keep what you do together between you and her. (Don’t kiss and tell)
3. Always treat her with respect.  (R-E-S-P-E-C-T)
4. Compliments are great but keep it to a maximum of two times a day. (why?)
5. Make her feel like she is safe and wanted. (Can those two go together?)
6. Never leave her on her own for your mates. (No Bros before Hos, I guess)
7. Never pressure(or let anyone else pressure) you or her into doing things.
8. Take it slow. This is the secret to all successful teenage relationships.
9. Never feel embarrassed by her. (Unless she has poppy seeds in her braces.  Then its okay to be embarrassed)
10. Never be afraid hug her / kiss her in public (PDAs are bad, mmmkay?)
11. Always stick up for her (“You can be my hero, baby”)
12. Wait by her locker and maybe give her a kiss on the cheek, but don’t be late for class! (Don’t be a fool, stay in school)
13. Always talk to her and be kind and protective, but let her do her own thing (she has to learn how to stick up for herself)
14. Always talk to her and never be afraid to talk even if your with your friends
15. Say hi to her in the hallway and talk to her

 

 Tips

• Compliments are a sure fire way to get a “Aww you’re so sweet” but only if you use them appropriately.

 

 Warnings

• Don’t ever cheat.  (never ever)
• Don’t over complement her. she will think you might be obsessed and break up with you.  (I don’t think so)

wikiHow of the Week: How to Get out of Work

How to Get out of Work (when You’re Already There)

Do not attempt this, unless you are willing to risk the consequences. Otherwise, enjoy your day off.

Steps

1. The best, and most believable way to get off work early is this:
2. Using your cell phone, call your work phone, and pick up.   (Oooh, tricky)
3. Turn your cell phone off as soon as you answer your work phone, otherwise you’ll just waste your minutes.  (Yes, because if you’re going to be lazy, you might as well be cheap too)
4. Answer the phone as you normally would, but say “O.K.” a lot, and sound really concerned, end the conversation (which should be around 2 minutes long) by saying “I’ll be right over/there” or something along those lines.  (This probably only works in cubeville)
5. Walk pretty quickly to your boss, and tell him/her that your mom/dad/kid/wife/husband needs you.   (It might seem fishy if you say it like that: “Boss, my mom/dad/kid/wife/husband needs me.”  I suggest just using on.  You can thank me later for that tip).
6. If they ask why, say desperately that you don’t know, but you’re really worried. start to leave, and say that you’re not sure when you’ll be back, but will call him/her with more details.   (Crying might help here as well).

 

Tips

• Act really worried
• Run out
• Don’t get detailed
• Tell them that you’ll probably not pick up your home or cell phone, but to call if they need serious help.

 

 Warnings

• Do not attempt more than once a year at the most.   (And do not come back the next day with a tan)
• If anybody finds out, you will be in huge trouble, and may even be fired.  (Especially if your boss sees you on tv catching a fly ball at the Cubbies game)
• Do NOT say that somebody died!   (This causes wicked bad karma)

 

Things You’ll Need

• 2 phones
• a sensitive boss
• acting skills

wikiHow of the Week

As much as this pains me to post, it was the featured wikiHow.  My apologies to my pals at TAC.

How to Get Rid of Junk Mail

Is your mailbox running over, full of stuff you don’t want? Junk mail wastes tremendous amounts of paper. It also piles up on your table, wastes your time, and competes for your attention. With a small investment of time, you can stop the flow at its source. Here’s how.

Steps

1. Write to the mail preference service (US) or the Mailing preference service (UK). These do-not-mail lists are maintained by the major marketing associations that maintain and distribute the major mailing lists, but they do work. The US mail preference service will charge you one dollar ($1) to add your name to their opt-out list.
2. Get rid of credit card solicitations in the US, by phoning 1-888-5 OPT OUT (or 1-888-567-8688). It is an automated number. Listen to the options carefully. It’s well worth calling — the opt-out is good for 5 years, or you can request to be permanently removed from their lists. This one phone call tells all four major credit reporting agencies to stop sending credit card offers. You can also make the request (5-year and permanent) using their online form.
3. Call your credit card companies and ask them to stop sending you cash advance checks. Even if they come (conveniently) with your bill each month, cash advances usually start accruing interest immediately, so it’s not a good idea to use them. If you do receive them and don’t plan to use them, you should destroy them.
4. Call individual catalog companies and ask them to remove you from their mailing lists. Sometimes it will be the same toll-free number that you would call to make an order; sometimes it will be a separate “customer service” number. Look around on the back cover and the order form. Occasionally, the customer service people will ask why you want to be removed. Simply explain that you are not interested in the products offered. Do have the catalog, or at least the mailing label from it handy when you call. Often they will request a tracking number or other code printed there.

5. Go after individual senders. Some items are sent in such bulk that they go to every resident on a postal route. These are addressed to “Resident,” “Our Friends At,” or some variant. Your postal carrier cannot, by law, determine what you consider “junk mail”. All “resident” mail must be delivered as addressed. You must contact individual mailers to have your address removed from their database. Look around on mailers for return addresses and phone numbers. Here are quick links to some common ones.
   • America Online: phone 1-800-605-4297.
   • ADVO (responsible for the blobs of sales circulars and the little card with the missing children): Follow the link.
   • Val-Pak coupons: follow the link.
   • Publisher’s Clearinghouse: phone 1-800-645-9242 or email mailto:service@pchmail.com with your full address and instructions to remove from mailing list.
   • American Family Sweepstakes: phone 1-800-237-2400.
   • Pennysaver or Potpurri: phone 1-800-422-4116 and leave a detailed message with the full address, including ZIP code, as it appears on the mailer.
6. Stop all mail not addressed to you:
   • If you are getting first class mail for a former resident, you can write Return to Sender/Not at this address on the envelope and drop that envelope right in the mail box.
   • If you are getting bulk mail for a former resident, you may have to follow the above steps.
7. Place a sign by your mailbox that reads “No Free Papers”:
   • Free Papers are another form of junk mail that often plagues our front lawns. Many of the people who deliver free papers will simply stop once the resident has placed a sign near their mailbox that that reads “No Free Papers”.

 

 Tips

• It’s a good idea to perform the first two steps even if you don’t do the rest. They will stop the greatest amount of mail with the smallest investment of time. Besides, having credit card offers sitting in your mailbox invites identity theft. If you do decide someday to apply for a credit card, they’re not hard to find even without the junk mail.
• Avoid placing your address on surveys, raffles, and product warranty cards. If you do write your address or phone number, write alongside it something like, “Please do not sell or distribute my information, nor add to mailing lists.”
• When filling out forms online, read privacy policies and watch for opt-out boxes.
• Mail-order businesses, especially printing houses that print checks, return address labels, and other stationery, often send other mail and sell the addresses of their customers. If you order from one of these places, clearly state your preference.
• If you’re curious about how junk mail spreads, intentionally misspell a name on a survey form or something of that nature. You’ll get more junk mail, not less, but it’s a simple experiment to see who’s sharing your information. Keep a record of which misspelling you have given to which company, lest you forget.
• It’s generally not necessary to send in warranty cards or “register” a warranty for the warranty to be valid, regardless of what the card may imply.
• If you do receive junk mail, do one of two things about it. Recycle it immediately, or call or write somebody about getting off the list.
• Keep a recycling bin or trash can by your mailbox or wherever you sort mail.
• Recognize that most companies sending direct mail are happy to take disinterested people off their lists. It costs them money to send you a thick, shiny catalog.
• You may be told that it could take a couple of mailing cycles for mail to stop coming. This is a standard disclaimer you should take at face value.
• If you are too busy to do the above steps yourself, you can take a shortcut by hiring a service to do them for you. A service like greendimes.com will remove your name and others in your household from direct mail lists, unsolicited credit card offers, as well as the catalogs that you selectively choose to unsubscribe from. They will revisit the direct mailers to keep you off the lists and plant a tree for you every month. The cost of a Green Dimes membership is a dime a day or $36/year.
• Request your name be eliminated from the county tax database. Many companies target specific areas based on neighborhood subdivisions or home values. By making your information confidential in the county and state databases you may eliminate quite a bit of junk mail.

 

 Warnings

• You shouldn’t have to spend money to get rid of junk mail. The junk mail removal kits you may see for sale generally don’t offer anything you can’t do on your own.
• Sending junk mail back in the reply envelope may feel good, but it is not a particularly effective way to get off mailing lists. It is better simply to request to be removed.
• Don’t be rude to the person who answers the phone, even if you’re mad about receiving something. He or she is paid to answer the phone (and is generally paid very little). This person is not personally responsible for your receiving it. But do, if necessary, be persistent, in addition to being kind.
• Any offer that looks too good to be true, probably is. If something seems fishy, read the fine print, research it carefully, or simply pass it by. You may not really have won a million dollars, even if the magazine ordering materials make it seem as though you have.
• Always make sure the mail “is” junk.

 

 

wiki-How of the Week: Drawing

 Since I’ve been boring you with wiki-Hows for a while, I thought I’d put one into action for you! 

 

How to Draw a Poodle

Would you like to draw poodles? Here is how to draw an animated, cartoon version of a poodle.

Steps

1. Draw an upside down 3 leaf clover shape.
2. Draw two circles for eyes inside the bottom leaf of the clover shape.
3. Draw dots in these circles.
4. Draw a triangle below the eyes. That is going to be the nose
5. Draw an oval shape below and connected to the clover for a body.
6. Draw two short vertical lines connected to the bottom the oval shape for legs.
7. Draw a little circle on each of the ends of these lines for paws.
8. Draw two more vertical lines for legs.
9. Draw a circle at the end of those lines. Those are the paws.
10. Draw a curved line on the side of the oval for a tail.
11. Draw another smaller clover shape at the end of the curved line.
12. Experiment with different styles of the clover shape, ovals and circles.

Because I am oh-so-smart, I tried to draw the clover upside down rather than just flipping it over.  Here’s attempt #1:

Next, I followed the remaining steps and came up with this pretty puppy:

He’s missing a mouth!  How will he eat?   

So, I finished my experiment by classing up my dogs a bit (click to enlarge).  Wah-La!  Look at that talent!

wikiHow of the Week: Where’s Waldo???

How to Find Waldo

Finding Waldo can be hard work, but with this guide you’ll be on your merry way.

Steps

1. Look at an image of Waldo. There should be on the cover of the book. Look for the distinguishing features – striped top, blue pants, hat and glasses.
2. Look at the scenery in which Waldo appears. Look for the colors that stand out in Waldo’s clothes, or look for the hat. These items will either be differently colored from the surrounding scenery or will stand out as something out of context. However, the picture is deliberately well hidden, so you need to be details oriented and persevere.
3. Scroll across the paper with your index finger systematically until you find Waldo. You can start at the top or bottom and go along from side to side until you have covered the whole page.
4. Repeat. Try this with every page in the book.

Tips

• Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you can just put your finger down in any place and you’ll find Waldo. This is the random Waldo finding technique.
• Although finding Waldo is hard enough, at the end of the book are more challenges harder than finding Waldo, give it a try.

Warnings

• No matter how much you convince yourself, Waldo will not find you.

wikiHow of the week: Sitting

How to Sit at a Formal Party

There’s an empty spot I’ve always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.–Matt Groening (b. 1954)

People have been sitting since the early days of Colonial America, when Benjamin Franklin determined that a sedentary orientation was the best position from which to achieve the comfort level necessary to enjoy books borrowed from the Library Company of Philadelphia, established in 1731. This is the the proper way to sit in a chair. This may be helpful when you’re at a lavish party.

Steps

1. 

   Decide very carefully which chair you are going to sit on. “Chairs to the left of me, chairs to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with you”.   (Are these folding chairs at my formal dinner party?  If so, I’m turning around and going home).

2. When going to your table, pull out your chair. Pull it out slowly, but not too slowly. The goal is to complete this maneuver before the party ends.   (Don’t do this if someone is already in the chair).
3. Sit down, again little by little, but not too slowly. You don’t want too much to happen between the time you begin your descent and the time you achieve your target position. You don’t want to miss any riparian entertainments being offered by the lady of the house.  (What?!?)
4. 

   If you have the opportunity to be seated out-of-doors, choose your location with great care. There may be a stupendous view just a few steps away. Don’t miss it. If mountains are near, use a feng-shui consultant and a compass so that you will achieve the perfect angle of repose.  (“No thank you Geeves, I’d rather sit out back with the livestock.”)

5. 

   Sit in the middle of the chair seat at first. If you are a magnificently accomplished chair sitter, you could try perching on the side, but only after quite a bit of rigorous practice. This might be useful if someone near you has not yet finished their dessert and you are still a bit hungry. You will probably want two helpings.   (Or f you have to share you seat with that cat and don’t want a crotch full of claws & teeth).

6. If you are a cat, you will need to use a different body position. Sadly, modern-day technology has not advanced to the point where we know the perfect position for feline seating, so make your best guess. Run with it. You need to a take a chance in life to get a little comfort. (Here that, cats?  Owners, please read to you cat if they are too stupid to read.  And let me know, because stupid cats will not be invited to my next dinner party). 

Tips

• Sitting has been outlawed in Nevada because it interferes with the ability of casino patrons to move among slot machines and other gaming devices. However, you can still find seating in nearby Utah if you are lucky enough to arrive on a non-sabbath day.  (You can’t sit anywhere in Nevada?  When the plane enters Nevada, do you have to stand up?)

Warnings

• 

  You shouldn’t do this at informal parties. (No sitting at informal parties.  Standing only).

• Under no circumstances should you attempt to sit on a chair which is covered with snow.This could be incredibly dangerous and could , in case of a sudden rise in temperature, make you quite moist in exceedingly uncomfortable areas.  (You shouldn’t be at a formal party with snow on the chairs to begin with)

wikiHow of the Week: I don’t even know what to say to this one

How to Play Lemon

Welcome to the world of Lemon.

Steps

1. Sit in a circle.
2. Everyone playing will need several sheets paper and a pencil or pen.
3. Have everyone in the circle write down their OWN name on a piece of paper. Fold your paper in half hiding what you have written and have everybody put their sheet of paper in the center of the circle.
4. On another piece of paper write down a body part. Again fold the paper and put it in a separate pile beside the names.
5. Shuffle the pieces of paper in each pile.
6. Taking turns, have everyone draw one piece of paper out of each pile.
7. Each person must tell the person on their piece of paper that they drew what body part was labeled and the must do something to the lemon using the body part listed on the paper.

Tips

• This doesn’t have to be taken in a naughty way. If someone choose hand perhaps they must squeeze it in their hand.

wikiHow of the Week: I know you all need this info

How to Make Out for the First Time

Making out is an American term that for young people, applies to kissing, sometimes for a long time and sometimes with passion.^[1] Are you worried about getting it wrong the first time you try? Apart from the fact that kissing another person comes very naturally when you care for that person, there are some suggestions here to help you overcome the fear and be confident that you can get it right.

Steps

1. Get comfortable. Nothing ruins the sense of the occasion than sitting or standing awkwardly. somewhere that you won’t be bothered or stared at. Make sure the place, time and occasion are all right.   (Please.  Anywhere works…even the basement of a crowded frat house filled with asbestos)
2. Take time. Make sure both of you want to be intimate by kissing. Don’t assume that just because you’re dating that you have to make out. Both of you must feel that this is right.   (If you’ve been dating for a while and haven’t made out, you may not be dating much longer)
3. Hold each other. It is much nicer if you are considerate toward one another and embrace. A hugis always a special start to making out and then you can hold one another in different ways – around the shoulders, across the back or simply a hand pulling his or her face forward. Stroke one another’s hair or face lightly – this adds to the tenderness of the occasion.   (awww…)
4. Lean in for the kiss. Your partner should respond and lean toward you as well. (If he/she backs away screaming, it might be best to cut your losses right then and there)
5. Begin kissing. Gentle kissing on closed lips to begin with is just fine.  It might help to keep your eyes closed, allowing you to dive into the ocean of desire.   (“The ocean of desire”?!?!?!?  This guy has clearly never had a first kiss)
6. Test the waters. Making out isn’t normally about discussing what is coming next, so you need to take your clues from how your partner reacts.  (I find a football style play chart can be helpful).
7. Open your lips. Let your tongue gently slide across your partner’s lips.  If he or she doesn’t draw back at this point, you can explore a little further with your tongue, sliding your tongue into your partner’s mouth while continuing to kiss or “peck” him or her. Quickly, if the passion is mutual, your partner will catch on and do the same back to you.  (This description makes it sound so romantic, doesn’t it?) 
8. Make it last. Passion deserves a little time and respect and one should never waste the first time! Add some special touches:
   • For girls only: Hold onto his head and slowly and lightly move your hands to the back of his head. Rub your hands through his hair and down his shirt. Grab his biceps if you feel confident and give it a squeeze while kissing him. It will turn him on fast.
   • For guys only: Wrap your arms firmly around her and rub up and down her back (or lower back if she responds happily).
9. Compliment your partner on how good he or she is at kissing. Not only a confidence booster but probably also a great encouragement for more! (Be careful — it can be hard to talk while kissing)
10. Be assured that you can now make out without fear. Once the first time is over, there’s no need to sweat it anymore. After a while try something new exploring new things (You can do it!)

Tips

• Make sure to close your eyes while kissing but some eye contact is important to gauge each others’ reactions, so don’t overdo it; use your common sense.  (Nothing is creepier than having someone stare at you while they kiss you).
• It’s important to have good dental hygiene, so brush those teeth well beforehand. A little deodorant doesn’t go astray or anything that makes sure that you’re smelling nice. (Please don’t bathe in the Axe Body Spray, unless you want your date to hack up a lung when you’re close by)
• If you going to have sex, or think there is even the slightest chance of it happening bring a condom a good one no five cent condoms, if your partner thinks this is stupid/silly/etc. they are probably not ready for it anyway.  (what’s wrong with cheap condoms?)
• It’s a good idea to make a quick bathroom run (if you’re at home) before you make a move for several reasons. You don’t want to have to go to the bathroom in the middle of a good make out session. Another tip is to hide a toothbrush and toothpaste/mouthwash in the nearest bathroom before your date if you’re at your own residence. This allows you to ensure good breath before you swap spit. Going to the bathroom also gives you an excuse to change your position when you get back, allowing you to get closer to your partner to make the first move.  (tricky.  This guy must have gone to the Frank Costanza school of good moves)
• Girls if you are uncomfortable with a guy going up your shirt and you can feel it starting you can pull his hand away and say “no, not now”. Don’t be afraid to say this. It is supposed to be a good experience for both of you, not just him.   (slapping him hard also works, but may ruin your chances of a second date)
• For guys only-if the girl has never made out before you will know. She will come into the kiss slowly and gradually speed up. Make sure you make her feel confident and good about herself.
• Do not go into the kiss too fast and fierce: he or she will not like this unless you have been with each other for a long time and know what the other is like. If not don’t be afraid to take your time and finish big!
• It may not be perfect; because it is your first time. Don’t worry if you make a minor mistake!
• Most of the times, girls talk about their perfect kiss ideas with their friends, GUYS: Try and find out if one of her friends will give you any ideas to make her first kiss perfect!  (Warning:  Do not ask her friend to demonstrate the perfect kiss on you.  That could lead to trouble.  Or a three-way)

Warnings

• Don’t forget to swallow to avoid drowning in saliva or accidentally depositing it in your partner’s mouth.  (Nothing ruins the moment like choking on someone else’s spit)
• If the other person is a bad kisser, don’t say anything! If they say something like that to you, respond gently with a short retort such as “You’re not a pro either.” Don’t bother kissing the person again if he or she dismisses you; after all, who wants to kiss someone mean like that?   (Just hope they don’t tell the whole school what a bad kisser you are.  That could ruin your social life.  Its best to practice first on something like a Joey McIntyre poster.)
• Make sure you’re comfortable with it first. It’s not something that everyone knows how to do the first time, and if the other person is a little shy or embarrassed, reassure them that there’s no hurry or pressure.
• If you have a beard, you might like to shave it. Prickly faces can be off-putting to females.  (If you have a beard and haven’t made out with anyone yet, you must be the teen-aged male equivalent of me!)
• Make sure that you don’t have anything stuck in your teeth (especially if you have braces)!  (This is just a good rule to live by in general)
• Be aware that sometimes, making out can lead to other things. If you don’t feel that you’re ready, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself and say no to anything that making out might precede.  (“Just Say No” is also a good rule to live by)

I want you all to read carefully and try it out this weekend.  Let me know how you make out.  HA!  Get it?  Make out?!?

wikiHow of the Week: You can thank me in rolls of hundreds

How to Convince Yourself You Will Receive Money from God

One person claims to know the techniques used to work with God in attracting money. If you want to convince yourself that this money is coming, keep reading.

Steps

1. How much do you want?  (Uh, a billion trillion dollars?)
2. Your job is to STAY POSITIVE and believe that you will receive what you’ve asked for. If this means forgetting about the request, then do that. If you need to continually remind yourself of what you’ve asked for, make sure to also remember that you aren’t in charge of making it happen. Feel good, and remember that God answers. Your job is to ask and to accept.   (Are you there God?  Its me, Julie.  Please see above.  I feel good.  Please answer).
3. Listen for instructions! Let’s say you’ve asked for a certain amount of money, say $500. You may have no idea how this money will come to you. But you asked- so God will answer. So listen for the answer. You may hear a song on the radio, or a friend may call with an idea, or an email may come with an instruction… Anything that happens around you may clue you in on an action for you to take.   (Praise Jimmy!  I just got an e-mail from a Nigerian man claiming that he’ll send me a million dollars if I give him my bank account #.  I’ll just sit back and wait to collect).
4. You might not have to do anything but remain positive.  (Does being positive that this will not work count?)

 Tips

• Write yourself notes to remember who is the Boss.  (Note to self:  God is the Boss.  Note to J: Julie is the Boss)
• Do whatever you need to so you don’t worry.  (Maybe the rubber band trick will work here)
• Be clear on what you want.  (Money money money money — Money!)
• Make a list of what type of money you are looking to get (new money, money owed to you by another, or even a solution to money you borrowed — your debt)  (I’m not picky.  Any kind of money will do).

 Warnings

• First, try and get the money within your own means.  (Like, say, working?  I think not).
• Don’t put your blind faith in information you get from the Internet.   (Uh, like this?)
• God provides for those who ask, but only if the need is genuine and the asking is sincere. Seek out advice from God to make sure the money you requested is part of His plan as well as yours — to do good, not evil.   (I’ll do good with the money.  Not necessarily good for others, but for myself).
• If you catch yourself being negative (oh, that’s not enough!) fix your head. What you think and feel are vitally important in working with God on getting money.  (Check yo-self!  I guess I don’t need a billion trillion dollars.  I’ll settle for a billion).
• Money can come from anywhere, at anytime. You don’t have to “deserve” it or “earn” it in ways you may already think. Don’t limit God!  (I like the kind that grows on trees the best!)
• Bouncing checks is illegal in some places, bouncing checks knowing that you do not have the money in your account is a crime is most places and “Gee, I thought God was going to come across with the dough!” is not a defense. In any event bouncing checks is certainly bad for your credit rating. While faith is a good thing, wait until you get the money before you write the checks.  (AKA: Don’t write checks your body can’t cash!)
• If you actually want to pay your bills on time, sending a check in the mail for money you don’t have in your account is a very poor idea and most likely illegal. Don’t spend above your means.  (See above.  Apparently this “no bouncing checks” thing is very important)
• I Sam 3:10 reads, “Speak Lord, for thy servant heareth.” It does not read, “Speak servant, for thy Lord heareth” (KJV).   (Amen!)
• God can say no to requests too.  (Boo!)
• It is okay to have doubts. After walking on water, Peter had doubts. After Jesus had risen, the apostles still had doubts. You can learn to trust more, but it will be a rough process.   (True dat)
• By convincing yourself of something that may happen, you could just be deceiving yourself.  (This does not sound promising)

 Related wikiHows

• How to Borrow Money from People You Know
• How to Raise Money from Banks for Your Business
• How to Believe in God
• How to Perform Self Hypnosis

wikiHow of the Week

How to Eat in Front of Your Crush

Eating in front of your crush can seem very nerve-racking and embarrassing because you never know what he’ll say or think about the way you eat.

Steps

1. Realize its not a big deal. Many guys like it when a girl eats their meal because it makes them feel less awkward about eating. If you are going on a dinner date it is essential to eat, since no one likes to feel like they are being stared at as they chew their food. It is a fact of life that everyone must eat, so no one should feel afraid to do so.  (I fear many things.  Food is not one of them).
2. Chew with your mouth closed. Although you should feel free to eat, no one else wants to see your chewed up food, including your crush.  (This applies to everyone eating in public.  Ever.  And “public” includes my house).
3. Eat carefully and slowly. It is not a race to see who can finish their food in four minutes. Converse and laugh, and remember to enjoy your food AND your crush’s company.  (Someone should note the speed eating comment to my husband).
4. Wait until you’ve swallowed your food before talking unless it is very important. (Please refer back to #2)
5. Just pretend he or she is not there or that you’re not really eating. Forget any worries you had and focus on having a good time with your crush and enjoying your food.  (Yes, this is helpful.  When dating, pretend the other person on the date is not there).
6. Know that your crush should want you to eat, if he makes fun of your eating, he’s not worth even having a crush on in the first place.  (This is a big turnoff for me.  I could never be with a guy who I couldn’t eat in front of.  I’d be hungry, and I get bitchy when I’m hungry).
7. Remember that eating is not a bad thing! Once you get used to thinking that eating in front of your crush will become a natural thing and you will no longer have to worry.  (Food good).

Tips

• Imagine if you someday got married! Would you never eat in front of him? Obviously, you would. (Thinking about marriage won’t make you nervous in front of your crush.  Nope).
• Try not to eat anything that will give you bad breath, major turn off.  (What, no garlic & onion pizza?)
• Try to take small bites WAY more ladylike and appealing (Is belching considered un-ladylike?)

Warnings

• Make sure you’re not shoveling food into your mouth like a pig or chewing with your mouth open and making a mess or anything that really should be embarrassing (Bottom line: Food = good.  Pig = bad.  Bacon = best)